Sup bitch­es. Here’s a quick update for Monday morning.

I don’t think there’s much purpose for the first floor of Bagley besides a couple offices, all the mail­boxes in the corner room, the lecture hall that seems like it’s only used for VLPA classes for what­ever reason, and the room that sells coffee and gluten-free, expen­sive-as-fuck pastries. How the entire gluten-in­tol­er­ant popu­la­tion is not bank­rupt boggles my mind. Howev­er! There is a large and cool mosaic of ancient Egyp­tians and Greeks using trig and chem­istry to solve #ancient­world­prob­lems in the door­way though. The second floor has all the under­grad labs that you hang out in for the intro chem series, so I spend most of my time on the second floor. The third floor has the study center that I believe is an under­rated study spot. You go there for one purpose: to slay as many ALEKS prob­lems as possi­ble. This gargan­tuan task is often compared to Hercules killing Hydra, because even if you manage to knock out a prob­lem set, it two or three harder ones grow back in place. Innu­mer­able Friday nights have been lost due to its 9pm dead­line. Rest in peace.

Second floor bath­rooms are the most crit­i­cal ones in Bagley because your labs are anywhere between two to three hours long so you might need to pee pretty badly by the time you’re done. The men’s room is on the other side of the build­ing from all the under­grad labs, so prox­im­ity plays a minor role here. It’s usually crowded in Bagley, espe­cially on Tues­days, Wednes­days and Thurs­days when most, if not all the labs take place. Even on this Monday morn­ing it was still pretty crowded when I went in there to pee.

Given its heavy use, 2nd floor Bagley func­tions at a high stan­dard. Five urinals with dividers to boot, three stalls, and multi­ple sinks gives this bath­room a high carry­ing capac­ity K, so expect lines to be absent or slightly incon­ve­nient at the worst. The aesthet­ics, though. Wow. It was just so clean, perhaps because it hasn’t been used that much yet because it’s only Monday morn­ing. Mirrors weren’t that nasty. It has a small ledge under a large mirror (placed to give the illu­sion of a larger room, no doubt) to put shit on. But note the crown jewel of this partic­u­lar bath­room: fuck­ing stained wood doors to the stalls. Wow. You really can’t get more sophis­ti­cated than that. I almost mistook one of the stalls for the gate­way to Valhal­la. The only way to improve on that would have been to get Dürer to carve out some Viking battle scenes or a fuck­ing coat of arms on the exterior.

The only down­sides to this gem of a bath­room is the paper towel-sink distance, which is quite a ways. This promotes wetter floors from excess drip­ping of residue, which promotes unclean­li­ness and is a poten­tial hazard for those that tread with­out caution. Traf­fic might be an issue for those that are concerned about priva­cy. Primar­ily because of the heavy traf­fic, Bagley men’s 2nd would be best used for that pee that has been punish­ing your prostate for all of your chem lab. If you aren’t the shy type, you can use this one for a luxu­ri­ous poop in stalls with wooden doors. You might get the illu­sion of trav­el­ing back in time to shit in some old Scan­di­na­vian castle. Don’t be surprised if you see Beowulf casu­ally walk­ing out of one of the stalls while you’re in there. 4.33 repeat­ing out of 5 valkyries for easily the best bath­room I have reviewed so far.

Edit: Fixed a couple syntax things, as if anyone cares.