I was once on a sports team at UW. A few days ago I went on a run with a dude that is still on a sports team at UW. As with the majority of my bouts of exercise, they are often punctuated by the interruption of having to go into the bathroom mid-workout. We were running through the athletic-y part of campus when the onset began, and I knew that relief of this situation would have to be in the very near future in order for myself and my running shorts to have a future of much longevity. So I asked my dude-bro if we could stop at the locker room so I could poop, to which he replied “Yeah good thinking, I need to shit too.”
After entering the code to unlock the door, we hustled into the bathroom-shower complex shared by the resident UW track bros and soccer bros. Things hadn’t changed since the last time I was there. It was still the shithole it had presumably always been. The entire complex is lined with small beige bathroom tiles that could probably afford to be cleaned with a pressure washer soon. Because there’s obviously no windows, the ventilation is nonexistent, meaning the bathroom smells perpetually of butt sweat and butt poop.
There’s five toilets in the bathroom section, as opposed to zero in the shower section (this still hasn’t stopped anyone from peeing in the shower while everyone else is watching). All of them technically have their own private stall with the addition of some wall dividers, but the two closest to the sinks neither have doors on the stalls nor toilet seats, with the understanding that you pee in those. The other three, fortunately, are equipped with the aforementioned hinged accessories. There is a 90% chance that at least one of these three toilets will have been left unflushed regardless of the time of day.
Despite how awful my old locker room bathrooms were, it was refreshing to go back and reflect on the good times and camaraderie, the kinds of memories that you make with a group of people only when you’re suffering together, like when you go camping in the rainforest or fight in a war. Apparently the men’s track locker room is the only one without any wall-mounted flat screen TV now, but I guess it’s in the middle of a renovation now, so there will be some (read: multiple wall-mounted flat screen TVs) installed in a couple months. These will no doubt exclusively air SportsCenter cycles and Wiz Khalifa music videos for eternity.