I think one of the graduation requirements for all UW undergrads is having taken a class in Kane Hall. For those that don’t know, Kane has three enormous lecture halls that can each hold about 250, 350 and 750 students. I’ve had the misfortune of having a class in Kane Hall every quarter except my fall quarter freshman year. While that experience has shattered my soul into pieces too small to be taped back together, it has provided me with at least two valuable assets, the first being course requirements so I can graduate, and the second being time to explore Kane Hall.
For freshmen that haven’t had the need to enter Kane Hall yet, the layout is pretty simple. The ground floor has three lecture halls. Up the stairs are smaller lecture halls. Then there’s the basement where there’s some offices and the Student Technology Services office, and then a couple more sub-basement floors where those guys on your dorm floor that never showered or left their rooms are hiding their respective illegal stashes of weapons-grade plutonium in dark, hidden rooms. Then there’s all those booths all the ethnic student associations, the frats that only Asians belong to for some reason, and political activist groups set up right outside the building. Needless to say, Kane is a busy place. The only variable missing here is the bathrooms. And let me tell you, they are woeful.
Woeful from the minute you walk through the door. There are no restrooms on the first floor! The floor where a good 1,000 students sit for 50 minutes an hour from 8:30 until 5:30 five days a week has no bathroom. Not one! So if you do have to pee real bad during your lecture then you have to take the elevator down to the basement or hike it up to the second floor. I did the latter.
After the long walk up to the second floor that’s that much more difficult when you have to pee, I caught my breath for a second and admired all the art that the university hangs up in Kane. For whatever reason, the second floor of Kane Hall seems to be the Henry Art Gallery storage closet and there’s a bunch of paintings and sculptures hanging out everywhere.
It’s soothing to look at until you realize you’re about to shit your pants. The second floor is a little confusing at first because if you go up the staircase on the left side of the building, you only see the women’s restroom as you walk towards the solitary aboveground bathroom complex. The men’s room is down the narrow hallway that you can’t really see from the main walkway.
The bathroom can be described in one word: underwhelming. The dragon sticker on the wall right when you walk in was about as whelming as it got. Three urinals with dividers, one (maybe two) stall(s), two sinks, that’s it. For the building that can have more than 1,500 people in it at any given time, they have three urinals and two crappers for males. This bathroom gets foot traffic out the A, so keep that in mind if you like your privacy. Furnishing was nothing special. Moderate cleanliness. A mountain of paper towels in the garbage cans. Once again, underwhelming.
If anything would turn anyone off from using the 2nd floor bathroom, it would be the weirdos that hang out near/in the bathroom. These are the people you see sitting half an hour before their class starts out on the benches along the walls. They’re usually oblivious international students or the kind of people that think wearing a fedora makes you cool. I genuinely feel bad for these people, and forcing me to pee in close proximity to them makes me feel worse inside. Also, when I was in there, some dude in a black hoodie that looked like the kind of guy that kept his plutonium in the aforementioned secret basement floors was blowing his nose pretty much everywhere else except for into the paper towel he was attempting to use. The fuck, man.
Needless to say, this was a miserable bathroom experience. Unless it’s an emergency and you’re cool with being in the bathroom with some of the strangest people on campus, avoid the 2nd floor Kane bathroom at all costs. 1 out of 5 fedoras on this one.