Danny’s Good-Bye

March 04, 2013

March 04, 2013

UW Bathrooms readers,

So much has tran­spired since my last contribution to our blog. The pass­ing of time has had great impact not just on myself and you, but has also created a stir within UW Bath­room­s’s tiny corner of the inter­net. Before I proceed onto the review prop­er, a reflec­tion on these changes is — at the very least — a neces­si­ty. Perhaps we can make it more:

As a matter of rein­tro­duc­tion, I attended the Univer­sity of Wash­ing­ton at the begin­ning of my under­grad­u­ate career. Many weird things came to pass during my two years in Seat­tle. I met a hand­ful of new friends, but I mostly bore close witness to the college-aged lives of some best friends from my home­town. That expe­ri­ence was not unlike watch­ing the Toy Story tril­ogy play out before me — people and rela­tion­ships shift­ing uncom­fort­ably, the swill­ing of fire­wa­ter, the shav­ing of heads, the power and the glory. All entirely fueled by compul­sory King County Metro passes and unwashed silverware.

But I digress. One such new some­one was Aaron, and one such strange some­thing was the creation of this blog. The prod­uct of much running at Seat­tle’s favorite virtual street-ball desti­na­tion (Greenlake), the vision for UW Bath­rooms has ranged from liter­ally sopho­moric humor to smart­phone app devel­op­ment. Pipe dreams and ambi­tions aside, the blog expe­ri­enced some unex­pected glory days during May of 2012, when it became the top entry of the r/udub subred­dit, as well as having approx­i­mately 2,500 views that month. With blatant hubris, I ask read­ers to note again the date of my last UW Bath­rooms post.

It turns out that having a crit­i­cally lauded and wildly popu­lar Word­Press site about toilets does not provide the sort of fulfill­ment I antic­i­pated when I matric­u­lated at UW. For reasons either too numer­ous or too personal to list on a near-de­funct blog (if a griev­ance goes unread on the inter­net, does it make a sound?), I sought trans­fer to a new college.

Along the way, I spent a summer as a “Ful­brighter” in the United King­dom. That turn of events might be the weirdest yet.

There were attempts to blog during this time abroad, but the prospect of anything more seri­ous than UW Bath­rooms daunted me. In an effort to return this post to its thematic inten­tions, the toilets of Wales were subtly differ­ent than their Yank deriv­a­tives, and may merit a retro­spec­tive if UW Bath­rooms becomes resus­ci­tated one day.

At frick­in’ last, we arrive at my review. Having chosen Loyola Mary­mount Univer­sity in Los Ange­les as my new home, I had a grand old time first semes­ter, over­load­ing on Vita­min D and mock­ing less-than-hearty Cali­for­ni­ans when­ever they utilized socks, long sleeves, or any other crea­ture comfort made redun­dant by some­thing called the Sun.

Aaron sent me a text asking how I was making out during one partic­u­larly harsh cold front. With defer­ence to his arche­typal Seat­tle sarcasm, I replied that the frost had snapped my perfect class atten­dance wearing shorts.

Seeing that I had still had my wits about me, AB suggested a guest submis­sion to breath some life into UW Bath­rooms. With the perfect review already in mind, I agreed.

There are no bath­rooms on the third floor of St. Robert’s Hall. Thus, during every break in Kantian Ethics, it was imper­a­tive that your corre­spon­dent shuf­fle down to St. Rob’s second story to refill his Nalgene and empty his blad­der. Some poten­tial bath­room goers may be deterred by the requi­site stair climb/de­s­cent to the second floor, but rest assured that what awaits in the bath­room is well worth it. The payoff has been described to your corre­spon­dent as “The Creeper Bathroom.”

LMU is a univer­sity that capi­tal­izes famously on its loca­tion, partic­u­larly its bluff view of the Los Ange­les Basin. While yr. corre­spon­dent already under­stood the Bluff as an amaz­ing setting to seduce girls with cars or to impress Kobe Bryant with a gnarly switchflip, the post-card worthy scene was a totally unex­pected sight from an on-campus bathroom.

The lights of LA County were sprawled out like diamonds. Cars driving in every direc­tion, millions of Ange­lenos lead­ing millions of lives. A strange thing to consider while using an other­wise unspec­tac­u­lar urinal. With window wide open and sea breeze blow­ing in, bath­room goers are palpa­bly connected to the promise of the City of Angels. The bath­room’s flip­pant concern for privacy must be a commen­tary on stereo­types of munic­i­pal exhi­bi­tion­ism. With Sacred Heart Chapel in the fore­ground, the bath­room user feels a sense of rever­ence. When Niet­zsche said that God is dead, he knew noth­ing of the porcelain variety.

If having your trajec­tory altered by coastal wind or Sunken-Gar­dens sunbather does not pique your inter­est, make use of the more discreet standie farther from afore­men­tioned window, or one of the three boring old stalls (unused by your corre­spon­den­t). I haven’t the foggi­est (marine layer-i­est) idea what depart­ment teaches in St. Rob’s, but it must be a popu­lar one, as our well-lo­cated bath­room looks over­worked by an evening class. Over the course of an entire semes­ter, remain­ing paper towels at 6:30 PM were only noted once. Water sits in tense little puddles all over the coun­ter. A user quickly leaves the seren­ity of the Bluff View for the busy halls of St. Robert’s. Life goes on and on.

Perhaps in the early morn­ing, before the first admin­is­tra­tive assis­tant has missed the garbage pail with a paper towel, this bath­room is a picture of seren­i­ty. Maybe all read­ers should time their urinary sched­ules so as to be at St. Rob’s 2nd floor when the Sun sinks into Paci­fic. Certainly an Airblade© hand dryer should be installed. Beau­ti­ful moments could be made here, folks.

St. Robert’s Hall 2nd Floor Men’s Restroom is easily my favorite on Loyola Mary­moun­t’s Campus. The facil­i­ties them­selves are stan­dard, but the “Wow factor” is some­thing special. So, go use this bath­room. Watch as your friends play fris­bee, as wedding parties gather at the Chapel door, as the smog lifts each day in the distance. Consider what this bath­room could be, and what you could be.

SAINT ROBERT’S HALL SECOND FLOOR MEN’S ROOM: Price­less in a world of wild-eyed awe and unend­ing interstate highways.

Take care,




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