The general consen­sus for Sieg Hall is that it is by far and away the ugli­est build­ing on campus. It would be an uphill battle to defend its kalei­do­scop­ic, dull-gray archi­tec­ture and unim­pres­sive hall­way layout. I guess the only good thing about Sieg is that it’s impos­si­ble to get lost inside since every floor is liter­ally one hall­way. Consid­er­ing that the Dept. of Elec­tri­cal Engi­neer­ing offices are located there I’d say that’s border­line insult­ing their intellectual capacity.

Directly across from the entrance to the Depart­ment offices on the first floor is the bath­room complex. They’re shod­dily thrown into the corner oppo­site the build­ing entrance, as if the archi­tects were so impressed with them­selves that they could inte­grate in trape­zoids and hexa­gons into an exte­rior design that their heads were so far up their asses and as a result they were phys­i­cally inca­pable of poop­ing so they never both­ered to install bath­rooms but then they remem­bered that people vastly infe­rior to them do on occa­sion have to use the bath­room so they edited some blue­prints and added some in the corners of each floor in the final stages of construction.

The little corri­dor that’s there to block people outside the bath­room from seeing your geni­talia or what­ever is so narrow I got a case of claus­tro­pho­bia. You could­n’t fit two people abreast if you tried (you prob­a­bly could but how uncom­fort­able would that be for you and the other poor soul that you had to brush up again­st?). The claus­tro­pho­bic urges continue as the bath­room crams three urinals too tightly together you could stand in front of the far left and still manage to pee in the right one. Note that I did not attempt this.

There’s two sitty-down­ies surrounded by walls that the Big Bad Wolf could blow down as he battles a case of pneu­mo­nia. I took the left one and did my busi­ness. The inside of the stalls had some nice graf­fi­ti, most notably the encour­age­ment to “YOU GO S—– THAT ———!” After look­ing at the spots that were rubbed out, I found the words “suck” and “dick” still faintly there. Some people would look at that and get all offend­ed, but imag­ine if you were perform­ing oral sex in that stall and you saw those words encour­age­ment. If some guy dropped trow right in front of me, my hetero­sex­ual self would have been suffi­ciently moti­vated to take it on.

Between observ­ing graf­fiti and remem­ber­ing to not forget my water bottle on the shelf above the toilet (which I totally did anyways) and think­ing of how weird oral sex is, I noticed the tiling on the floors and real­ized that there was no discernible pattern made with the 1-inch tiles. Imag­ine laying those stupid tiles one by one for hours on end. It was so daunt­ing that it killed my moti­va­tion for oral sex immediately.

It could have been the fact that I graced Sieg with a review at 8:30 in the morn­ing or that nobody actu­ally goes to classes in that build­ing because they are so repulsed by its aesthet­ics that they’d rather stay home but that entire build­ing was empty save for the secre­tary at the Depart­ment office that I saw walk in. I imag­ine that that part of the build­ing is pretty quiet all day, so all you privacy enthu­si­asts just got another low-key bath­room spot. Seri­ously though, this bath­room is not that bad. It might be the one redeem­ing qual­ity for the ugli­est build­ing ever built in the history of the world.